pointless musings

its rather strange how the human mind is so vacillating.

at one moment one feels one is the strongest person alive and can manage life pretty well. at those moments one is quintessentially a 'strong independent and mature person' and doesn't really need 'external interference'.

and then the very next moment suddenly everything seems empty, things seem to fall apart and ones 'glorious past' haunts one. then one wonders as to whether things will ever get better or not. is there any point to moving on when there is a possibility of failure all over again? there could possibly be something inherently wrong with me... and one is fraught with self-doubt.

there are times when wants to lash out at those people who have hurt you. hurt them as bad as they have done so to you. and then one realizes that that is indeed a pointless exercise. in fact everything seems rather pointless... putting in efforts for others, being nice to people, helping others, falling in love, and yeah even this blog post.

but since no one would prolly be reading it, not much is gained or lost eh?

for the sake of EXAMS....

Well sometimes there's just nothing happening except EXAMS- the dreaded word... and oh then your life seems so barren and so boring and yet you know you gotta stick around with mundane studying nevertheless even though they mean very little to you. It's kind of funny though that being an English Honours student makes this period rather weird. Studying Literature can be an exhilarating as well as a frustrating experience at the same time. When you conventionally read a text you don't tend to look at anything beyond the story but here you are supposed to look at it beyond that. And while doing that can be interesting at first however trying to even remember all that is not exactly something which makes you feel so great and after a point it has anyways become slightly boring for me. However what is the best part about English and perhaps even the worst... is its unpredictability! It's completely dependent on you to make your papers a state of art work... well you must wonder what I mean by that. You see an English Honours answer sheet is not just what a conventional answer sheet is generally but you can also make it a literary piece of art along with showing how much you understand the text at different levels.... And that is perhaps why giving the paper can be actually fun. But yeah that depends on how much you are familiar with the world of Literature (well i have hardly read anything beyond my texts though this term) and can connect onto other things which you have come across.... And not all Art is great. So well it's a gamble for sure.... it depends on how well you write and present your thoughts a connective and fluid manner. And this is where one can go wrong. What if you don't do the presentation of thoughts well. So you see you are not only supposed to give all the points but also present them well, make sure each point connects with the next and leads you to an argument... Basically it's no different from Debating or Public Speaking in a way. You are there not only to say things or to tell the audience but also ensure you do it an interesting manner and also ensure that the audience doesn't lose interest whatsoever and finally they shouldn't feel you have been speaking for the sake of speaking.... ooof! But it's cool nevertheless.... Hehe... It's too early to say weather I'll be able to do it and only those three hours will tell! But till then.... Best of Luck to myself!! Lolz.... (Uh actually I am quite nervous)

Parzania

Parzania… the place where the teacher lets u listen to the radio even in class... where the buildings are made of chocolate and halwa… there is no fighting between man and man…. A place where there is bliss…. in other words- Utopia. Does it exist?? The verdict: NO, it does not. It cannot. Who will let it? And who wants it to? Parzan? Our little parsi boy in the flick? Well if he would have survived and grown up… he would prefer the real world too. The real world- with its codes and its code-breakers, with the differences separating me from that poor man, the power games to master over so many others…. Isn’t this world vibrant and wonderful? A hurts B, rises over B in some way or the other and enjoys the process thoroughly and then… he decides to feel sorry for B. A wishes that there were a world where there were no differences, where everyone was happy… but does A really want it? No, just like everyone else he is just musing over the idea and then comes back to the real world. He employs his cunning, crushes a few more people and rises more.

It is just as true as the solar system being heliocentric. Much as we would like to convince ourselves that we lie in the center of the world, we know that we revolve around the sun. Similarly, we all long for Utopia…. wonder why we live in such a cruel world and even try to convince ourselves that we desire a Utopia… but no we would rather enjoy this world with its dark sadism, its stark contrasts, its misery on one hand and its joys on the other (always trying to make that misery to be the fate of all the others- not us) When the good times come, who wants to look at the dreary aspects of real life, who wants to lament over corruption or over the miseries lying in store for those who lie at the not-so-fortunate end of the spectrum. We all would rather move ahead, take advantage of whatever weaknesses we find in the system and rule at the apex of the pyramid.

And yet Parzania shows you all that you don’t want to see, all that you want to erase to obscurity and all that you would never even witness in the worst of your nightmares. You open the morning newspaper and see the cover photo- a disturbing shot which you’d rather not look at… do you ponder over those people- the victims in that ‘disturbing shot’… their lives? No you’d rather open up the Delhi Times and watch all the glitter and sheen of those glamorous celebs. Who wants to look at these downtrodden, poverty-stricken lives… this unpleasant picture of people who lie at that other end of the spectrum? And yet if you have the guts to see beyond the glitter, the desire to see the truth, you can surely go ahead and watch the flick.

You realize the extent to which voyeurism gives people happiness, and that sadism is the very basis of every human beings’ pleasure joy or whatever you might call it. It’s the thrill to stand over the other and look at him and laugh at him, that pumps you ahead, which gives you that adrenaline rush. Did you ever realize that? Perhaps you did… but perhaps you never wanted to face it… or perhaps you never wanted to acknowledge the sadistic and pathetic side to it. Parzania will make you realize that. And you come out of the hall wondering at the plight of those people who were the victims of riots, of monster-like mobs where men play out their darkest desires, laugh at the tortured victims- safely, without being accused of being sub-human, beastly, ghastly voyeuristic and god knows what all! For who remembers the identities of the perpetrators in that throng of beasts… Who cares about morality, humanity, sensitivity… the violence is for the cause of a community, for revenge, for justice… and EVERYTHING is condoned for noble causes such as those.

That World Up there

That World Up There

Those fairies’ tales I used to be told,
Does their world actually exist?
I often wonder what lies beyond,
Hidden behind that mist!

The solitary wafts floating by;
Is the solitude illusory?
Perhaps that is where the Lilliputians dwell,
All moving about in a flurry.

Does Snowhite live happily with her prince?
Or does she lay poisoned till date?
Has Rapunzel finally found her love?
Or sheds tears over a gloomy fate?

Is the world happy out there?
Or are the bright-ends yet to arrive?
Of this world I’ve dreamt so much,
No longer do I want to stay naïve!

Shall travel far and find that Beanstalk,
Which must have shot up for sure.
Climbing it, the clouds I shall dock,
And discover the pristine world of lore.

‘Pristine’ did I say? ‘Pristine’ did I mean?
I think I’m now in a fix!
Cruelty of a king, malice of a queen,
And the ‘guilelessness’ of a witch who plays tricks!

If no difference between this and that,
Then why am I curious so?
Perhaps the mists, which obscure it all,
Have made me so ardent to know!

by Mridu Chadha, 3rd june 2006

The Master of them all- the Reshmaiya factor

Have you ever tried switching the radio channel to check them all out?? uh stupid question... am sure you have. So well, what did ya find?? A melodiously nasal voice just reaches out to the very core of your heart! Shreya Ghoshal? No, its not her... its a male voice I'm talking about. Nah its niether Sonu Nigam nor its dear dear KK. It just sounds... very verrrry differrent... Yeah you guessed it right... am talking about The Rockstar of this age- Himesh Reshmaiya- the master of all!
You can't escape him, neither his voice. Whether you like it or not... you'd better learn to love him n his melodius voice... its the voice of our age!! wotsay???

Its perhaps a matter of shame that the kind of music our generation appreciates is either marketted by a raunchy n titillating sex- video accompanied by -'oooh aaah's as the background... or packages in this very crooning voice of the genius of our age. Genius i call him, not without reason for sure! Imagine yourself to be a singer who has dedicatedly learnt music for perhaps 4-5 years with rigorous practice so as to reach the very higher realm of music. You also happen to be an admirer of singers like Sonu Nigam, Shreya Ghoshal and Hariharan and don't mind the idea o entering the film industry considering that your talent has been appreciated not only in the layman's world but also the artistic one and you certainly know your worth. Here strides in a music director who gives music as pathetic as the sound-track of Tere Naam and to top it all decides to start singing himself. The whole affair does not end there. This man who certainly sings in a disgustingly gavvaar manner (offence meant to all those who appreciate his music) is appreciated by the Indian audiences and encouraged to come out with even more obnoxious albums! Its simply reflective of the degradation of the youth's aesthetic sensibility. They simply don't have too much to choose from. And what is actually melodious seems to be rather boring or perhaps belonging to an age much older than theirs! So what does it lead to?? That persevering individual who learns music either stoops to a level of singing in a weird manner so as to please the Indian audiences or simply renounces the world of light music. And yeah, if he happens to be a hardcore bhakt, he could perhaps start singing bhajans in kirtans or something of the sort.

The situation is quite pathetic and there is no one to blame but the audiences which have crossed the line between 'different' and 'bizarrely atrocious'! What sounds different does not necessarily sound pleasing. Moreover there is a difference between human voice and mechanical instruments. While artists take great pains to cultivate a beautiful voice, it should not be difficult for any lame person to produce a bizzarre sound or voice by contorting it. One should be able to appreciate the actual genius of people who can make their voices actually sound musical, sensitive and pliable as opposed to those many others who just try to produce a diffrent and unique sounding strain from their voice boxes!

When and how exactly do sounds become pleasant and unpleasant?? The answer simply lies in the kind of associations we form with those voices and sounds. Will you ever find the sound of splurging shit or muck pleasant?? or painful or anguished shrieks of children and animals for that matter?? The very imagery associated, the experiences associated with them is painful or unpleasant and its impossible for all but a sadist to appreciat such sounds. The sounds of gurgling water, raindrops, a lover singing a soft melody, or a person singing sensitively and in rythm in celebration of nature- these are sounds associated with pleasant situations or sensitive people and perhaps that is why they can evoke such strong emotions from one. Its the magic of music to recreate these 'magical moments', these lovely emotions and at times to empathise with situations you may have undergone, which actually increases the value of good music. And it is rather sad that the audience can empathise with a man who seems to sing as though he were weeping and whining away in order to irritate everyone. And to be sure... he quite manages to do that n my case!

Power, Manipulation and ... loads of things

<>Hey guys! So far whenever I’ve gone ahead and typed out a blog entry, it has mainly been out of compulsion- compulsions of filling blog- space, meeting up to my friends tag requests and listening to people shouting at me with- “Mridu when are you going to put up a new post???” the result is of course right here. I have all of 8 or 9 entries and that is pretty sad. But hey I write this blog because I wanna do it… not coz others want me to!! So I’ll post only when I feel like… from now on no more reminders taken! Huh! Now that perhaps means that I am gonna lose out on audience…ughgh. <>

Anyways… it’s a wonderful weather out there… so go to your terraces guys! I can’t. I feel cold the moment the temperature falls even by a few degrees… but that’s me- pseudo Punjabi cum pseudo Bengali… <>

I often wish that I could read all the books I feel like ding so…but alas! My slowness always interferes in my decisions and I end up just completing my course books! <>

However I think my course books are pretty much interesting too and I think the Indian Literature included in our course- barring Tagore of course (I was so bored reading Home & the World that I ended up writing a dumb li’l poem on tagore). I think the most interesting one is Ghashiram Kotwal by Vijay Tendulkar. Its something…even the others are for that matter… which really makes you think and you can link it up with so many issues and powerful figures in the recent world history. Am sure many of you must have heard about the play. It is quite famous and one of Tendulkar’s best works. <> Ghashiram talks about how a man who wants to seek revenge on the people and Brahmins of Mathura (he has come from Poona) because they have ill-treated him, rises to power and becomes the Kotwal by appeasing the deputy of the Peshwa- Nana Padhnavis in order to vent his anger. And this he does so capitulating on the Nana’s lustful cravings by actually pawning his own daughter… ughgh I am using Ashima’s (our professor) words! Now its quite disgusting that a person should do that. But nevertheless… he rises to power… and takes revenge on the Brahmins of Poona for sure. He is an atrocious man who does not really apply any discretion before punishing people in, to be frank, quite a gross manner. The people of course get sick and tired of his senseless atrocities, which not only enforce law & order but create an sense of threat within the city. Obviously they complain against him to the peshwa and Nana gets to know about this. Having no use of the Kotwal considering the fact that he has already made his daughter pregnant and she has died during childbirth, he decides to dispose him off. Proclaiming Ghashi to be a tyrant, he asks the mob to get rid off him and stone him to death. There … that’s the end of Ghashiram Kotwal.

Its rather ironic that the very person who gives him the post of the Kotwal, orders for his persecution. And the people of course think that the Nana is a just man- their savior. Its called deputationist politics where the person in power uses certain institutions to carry out tasks for him so the common man does not so the real perpetrator of the crime… when the need arises … u remove the men at the lower rungs… and there … u pacify the people for some time and become their savior, protector, an upholder of their rights… <>

If you look at American foreign policy, it somehow seems just the same. In fact it’s a fact that most of the times people in power capitalize on the vengeance, which resides in the minds of certain people. Its this vengeance which acts as an instrument of agency for these top rung people. Hey do you remember Godfather where Don Corleone is telling his son… ughgh what was his name... about the utility value of such people… people who are possessed with hatred towards the world. They are the ones who are unsympathetic in their dealings and know how to get work done, being devoid emotions and sentimentality of any sort. <>

And if any of you remember your class 10 world history (am sure u’d remember tid-bits… I do remember bits too even though I had PCMB in my +2), you might as well recall that when Hitler started subjugating Jews to all sorts of inhuman atrocities, the Americans were quite unconcerned. He was a rather useful man who would keep communism at bay and and not allow the Soviet Union to rise in power. However it was only when they realized that he and the Soviet have a pact of mutual non-aggression and further when he seemed to have strengthened so much that he could be capable of conquering of the Soviet or the England and pose as a dangerous rival to the Americans that they declared war against Hitler. It was not Hitler’s atrocities which concerned them in the very least, nor his conquering of the Hungary or France or even his attempt at Soviet for that matter. Finally personal gain and associated manipulation strategy seems to be the basis of American foreign policy.

I think one can see the same policy at work when one sees the Bush attacks on Iraq. Obviously it is oil and not Iraq that matters to them. However they capitalized on- 1) the interests of the other western nations in Iraqi oil… thus they would support his administration. 2) The unhappiness of the people of Iraq itself against Saddam and 3) the fact that Iraq was not quite popular with UN members, and thus created a façade of their possessing chemical weapons! The UN can be said to be ‘run by the USA’ for all practical purposes. There… we have dear Uncle Sam getting away with almost every move and still proclaim itself to be a savior of humanity. Though I doubt too many people buy that now… <>
So it is rather sad that people can turn into tyrants, to be used by others who can see their irrationality and those people don’t actually realize that by being insecure and wanting to vent anger on the world, they can become victims of their own doings. And in their cravings for revenge, it is not they who gain, and nor is it the world and society for sure (which is perhaps the worst victim), but the manipulative chaps who want to exercise larger control and always gain in this struggle for existence, who actually always gain and do so at their expense.

20 random things about myself.... finally!!

Hey its been a long time since I’ve posted just about anything but its time I started becoming regular… once a week at least!!

Sorry anchal , shubs… here goes your tag>>>

So well… am supposed to tell you 20 random things about myself….

1) Now I think you’ve already guessed the first one… yehh I start off with the negatives… its better to give a ‘good last impression’…. Now I can always try… So the foremost thing, which I would like to talk about, and which I would like to overcome too… is my IRRESPONSIBILITY!!! I’m one of the most irresponsible people in this world… the reason?? Well… I don’t have either the time… or even if I do and I really wanna do a thing…. I forget about it at ‘the moment’… and there I am … fed up of my stupidity!!

2) The second thing- I am hopelessly lost! This is what my friends tell me. I am told that I am lost in my own world…what exactly that world is…. I myself have no clue. But yeah… I am generally thinking of another place and another moment at a certain place, at a certain moment. So if you catch me unresponsive to your cries of calling… blame it on the unavoidable temptations of that illusory world! Though yeah… I can share a few of those wild dreams of mine which include business enterprises of all sorts… which benefit someone or the other in a certain way at least. Who and how, depends on what I’m enthusiastic about in that particular period (I was high on patriotism at a certain point of time… desperately wanted to contribute to the country’s GDP and help the poor people… & was so on airplanes at another)

3) I love chocolates. Yes that is bad. One puts on weight. And all that is just because of the momentary pleasure one seeks… nah- not fair. I think Hindu philosophy was quite right- ye sansar sab moh maya hai… hey theres one positive aspect to it though… I prefer dark chocs to milk ones… that means lesser sugar, see?

4) I am hopelessly slow. Akshay sehgal had to wait for half an hour extra… just watching me gulp bites of my sandwhich at subway… poor chap. Anyways… my slowness is more of a hindrance for me than for others. (I generally eat quickly… seriously)

5) I dislike assignments. Not because I dislike assignments per se, but coz I love researching. I research research and research. And by the time I am over with my research… the deadline for submission goes by. Of course that too has a silver lining to it… I get good results. (My slowness further compounds the situation though.)

6) I love going to the rest room. It’s my second abode. It quite irritates other people. But I think I’d rather not elaborate on this anymore.

7) I love eating out. That is bad coz I spend loads of money on food. But so what?? I need to sustain myself…

8) I find it tough to say no. I do it. But with this squirming sense, which makes the No appear even more rude n nasty, I think…

9) I say a ‘hi’ to almost anyone I meet … or know. That’s bad coz loads of people are quite discriminating with their greetings… and it’s not nice to not be given a reply to… remember that story we had in class 12- a certain someone’s malady (am 4gettin his name)?? I so identified with that guy. I have often said a ‘hi’ to a random passer by too… so you can imagine how acute my malady is…

10) Hey there are 10 more to go… this s unfair! Now I better start off with the salient aspects of my character… am sure u r wondering if there are any… (don’t worry… I’m racking my brains for the same)

11) Hey one more thing. I am scared of Abhinandan- our deb-soc president. The sight of him makes me quite stammer… that’s not good. But that’s not excessively bad either… coz I don’t look at him when I’m debating.

12) I don’t find it easy to praise myself. Hey now that is what is called ‘modesty’… and that is good… finally!! Though that quite puts the rest of the 8 points in jeopardy!

13) Nah don’t worry… here I come with the rest… I have a good voice. That is good coz even if I may not sing the song as well as it is originally sung- I am certainly not abused at when I sing.

14) I am a nice person. I insist upon that… coz that covers most of the moral qualities required of a person.

15) I enjoy walking and being with nature. That has twofold advantages. One- personal. I benefit my health by exercising and getting a breath of fresh air. Two- social service. I am a potential environmental activist.

16) I love learning new things. I love to know about different countries, cultures, technology, scientific phenomenon… just about anything. Its just pure fun.

17) I love visiting new places and seeing new things… a practical translation of what I last said. I wanna go and look at so many things in life and know about just about everything.

18) I love cleaning up things. It happens rarely. But when it does… things are spick n span and one can really ‘see the change’

19) I love helping people out – in any way possible. It quite makes me feel nice.

20) Here goes the last one… I love reading stories. That’s the best perhaps… coz I’m in English hons!!

21) This one was necessary- someday I’d love to write either an anthology of short sories or a couple of novels. It’s just an innate desire … and hopefully they shall be science fiction. I always wanted to pursue science… at least this ways I would remain connected to it… even if loosely.